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A unique human wanting to support all the other unique humans

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There is a topic that keeps coming up in many area There is a topic that keeps coming up in many areas of my life: life balance. How does one achieve it? Can we achieve it? What does it look like? When I think of my life, I see several “boxes”: my children, my work, my homekeeping, my partner, my hobbies, my education, my physical health... I remember believing societal promises that I could have it all. I remember believing that with careful systems I could juggle all of them. The truth is… it is the biggest pack of lies ever invented. Well… you can have it all, but not as the same time. I run a business, I home-educate two children with different needs and interests, I nurture them as a single parent, I live in a motorhome which requires a lot of extra tasks, I cook, I clean, I plan, I budget, I play, I date, I support my partner, I look after my “teams”, I mediate living in a small space with three other people, I coparent, I schedule calls and visits with family, I see and support friends, I read, I scroll, I ponder, I move…. I say “I” but I feel that as a human, my “I” are possible thanks to the “we” of my support network. Some of these tasks cannot happen at the same time. Some of these tasks are more important. Actually, they all become the priority at some point. So how can we juggle them? They are not homogenous. They are not round balls. Some of them are spiky, some of them are slimey, some of them are sticky, some of them are stinky, some of them are comforting, some are light and some are heavy…. I think reflecting on what matters to us, re-assessing regularly what we have spent most of our time and energy on, these are keys to staying on track with our internal compass. I tend to hold a couple of “items” at any one time and I neglect the rest, until the pull to pick another item becomes too strong and then I have to drop one to make space for the new. Recently, I have prioritised my children and feeling alive. Tomorrow is my daughter’s birthday. She will be my priority. I know that on Monday, work will come back at the forefront and I find it easier if my homekeeping is top notch so I will likely prioritise this also. How do you balance YOUR life? any tips you’d like to share?
It was bedtime. I had ran out of patience… I was It was bedtime. I had ran out of patience... I was abrupt, more so than I wish to be. I gathered myself, looked up and asked her if she was upset with me... and there she dropped that bomb: "no. I'm just not good enough". My heart sank. Of course you are! And of course you took my shortcomings as yours. You are enough my child. You are more than enough. You are perfect. You are as you as you need to be. We are humans. We learn together. We navigate our common lives, our relationships, our expectations... it really is a fine art! I love you more than I have words for. I have a few decades on you and I still sometimes feel just like you... not good enough... and then I remember. We are exactly as we are, exactly as we're meant to be. I hope you learn self compassion and self love at a younger age than I did. I hope you realise that people behaving towards you in a hurtful way is never a reflection of who you are. I hope the words I had for you helped. I hope I feed you enough love to overcome my messes. I hope I'm good enough for you ❤
Today was a good day. I love mushroom hunting. It Today was a good day. I love mushroom hunting. It's like a treasure hunt. You have to listen to the forest. You have to recognise the trees. Sometimes you come back with nothing but a sense of peace. Some days like today, you come back with dinners, joy and connection. Learning about mushrooms is exciting and really pleasing to my brain. It is sciencey, it has patterns, linguistics, potential for growth. It's colourful... I LOVE it ❤🥰 And after 3 miles outside, kids and I feel good 💪 How about you? Was today a good day?
Home Education magic 🎩 Learning time tables c Home Education magic 🎩 Learning time tables can be boring. Let me introduce the times tables jar. A (8) picks a paper. Reads out loud its multiplication. If she knows the answer she can say it. If she doesn't, she passes the question to S (12). You can pick one or a few. You can do it against the clock. You can do it in teams.... Little and often is key. Learning happens through joy. Let me know how you do/did times tables
TW: inappropriate touch, mention of sexual crimes TW: inappropriate touch, mention of sexual crimes This is my back. My back is full of moles. Actually most of my body is covered in moles. Over the years, I have had several removed. I have hated them. I have caught them and got hurt. I have been laughed at because of them. I have been told I was ugly because of them. I was told by an xpartner that if he was rich enough he would pay to get them all removed. I also learnt to love them. I was told they made me me. I was told they looked like the stars and the constellations, I was told I was beautiful… It took time but I grew to accept my skin. Yesterday I went to the doctor to get one removed because it keeps getting caught and makes my skin super sensitive. It was a big deal to me. It was a big deal because everything I expressed above but also because it was a new doctor and I felt nervous at the thought of being cut. I arrived early so I could settle my nerves. What happened from then on really shook me. The doctor called my name earlier than I expected and it made me jump. He then commented on how ridiculous it is that people get startled at their names being called. 👎🏻 He then made fun of my shoes. 👎🏻 When I showed him the mole, he was positive that it would be straightforwards and that he could use liquid nitrogen. 👍🏼 He then asked if I had more I wanted gone. I took my jumper off and before I could show the couple that I may need gone, he started saying about all the ones he could remove, he put his hands on them without checking whether I wanted him to action. It felt violating. 👎🏻 He then walked off to get the liquid nitrogen. This gave me time to feel how strongly I wanted to keep most of my moles ❤️ When he started the procedure, my whole body tensed at the pain. He told me it didn’t hurt. He told me it didn’t hurt because he wasn’t feeling anything. 👎🏻 As I was releasing my tears and my swears, he finally realised that his jokey demeanour was unhelpful. He started sounding more sympathetic. 👍🏼 When he finished he put his hand on my bum. 👎🏻 😳 I left. I was shaken. I was in pain. I was confused. I was in floods of tears. It took me a long while to calm down. More in comments
So last night I attended the super awesome Caitrio So last night I attended the super awesome Caitriona's REAL circle (@caitrionamartinsupport ) and I shared what was on my mind and in my heart. I had a lot. I had a LIST ! When my heart is full of big feelings, I really benefit from my surroundings being as orderly as possible, so last night I talked about my new fruit storage solution... 😆 As I spent the week without my beloved children, I focused on the many jobs that I have not had the opportunity to get to yet... Leaving in a small space requires organisation and clever solutions. Flat surfaces must be emptied before travel. But what about the fruit bowl? 🤔 We used to have a plastic basket left on a seat, sometimes moved onto the table but mostly, always in the way.... And now I have an under-shelf wire basket and it fits over the driver's seat when I'm parked, and moved onto the spare seat for driving (actually I could even drive with it in situ if I had to). It's out of the way when we're living in the space. Fruit are accessible. I'm happy 😊 So there, you now know about my fruit.... but really it's about reclaiming order from the outside in. It's about making my environment calm for my brain to process the world around. It gives me more patience, more availability, more clarity ❤ So if you ever see me deep cleaning, there might be more to it than meets the eye... And also, I can help if you have storage questions.... just Ask!
It's been a month since my last post! I've been b It's been a month since my last post! I've been busy: There was work, There were camps, There were people, There were feelings, There was learning, There was adulting, There was conflict, There were fireworks, There were hugs, There was noise, There was juggling, There was life. The Summer is a busy time, the days are long, the opportunities aplenty. I easily forget to take time to be still. Being a single mum, with a partner, running a business, home-educating, lover of life means the to-do list is forever growing. Well, this morning I decided to rest. I'm hoping it will recharge all the batteries so that I can enjoy the last stretch of Summer. How often do YOU prioritise rest?
2/2 What does life in a motorhome look like? Mostl 2/2 What does life in a motorhome look like? Mostly, it looks like life in a house. We sleep, eat, play, learn, argue, love…. The big differences: •The views change often: carpark, industrial estate, residential street but also the sea, the forest, the mountains… •We need to be frugal with our resources, especially water. We need to find some for the tank and drinking, and suitable places to dispose of “grey water”. •We need to understand our electrical power needs: what we use (especially in winter) and how we will fill our battery. Our system runs on 12Volt DC. We have 3 ways of filling the battery: solar, driving and plugging in. We don’t use any 3-pin device as they run on AC but most of our needs can use our system. We’re lucky that my partner is an electrician specialising in off-grid set-ups @rollinghouses_energy •We need to find gas (fridge, hot water, cooking). We use a refillable tank which makes our life easier than bottles but there are less and less pumps delivering autogas. •There is nowhere to run away from each other if we are needing space, except outside, so conflict management is one of our most important skills. •Parking a large vehicle and planning routes take some getting used to. Many carparks have height barriers or rules against motorhomes. In Devon, many roads have width restrictions. •When the house/vehicle needs repairs by other hands, we have nowhere to go! •Evenings are quiet affairs. That means no phone calls! •We do not have washing facilities. We use launderettes and friends’ machines. •Tidying must happen constantly and before driving everything must be secure. Cleaning is a lot quicker as our footprint is so much smaller. •Then we have the dreaded human waste issue. We use a toilet cassette and it can store 2 days worth when there are 4 of us. This means the job of emptying it is a very regular one. It isn’t the highlight of life on the road! •But worse than poo: feeling unwelcome in many places. Some people toot their horns to make sure we know they don’t want us there. We’ve heard threats. We’ve been told to go home… Mostly we love living on the road. It is so handy having your house with you wherever you go!
1/2 Yesterday I was asked about life in a motorhom 1/2 Yesterday I was asked about life in a motorhome, so I thought I’d share a little bit about that: Five years ago, after returning from La Leche League Family Camp, I really felt the weight of the isolation and the loneliness. I realised how much more connection I wanted in my life and how the simpler camping life felt right to me. I was aware that my work with @slingababy was taking me away from home a lot and that when I was home, we were travelling all over the UK to visit our friends anyway. So it made perfect sense to my brain to ditch the house and its big costs and move into a campervan. I talked to the kids and they were onboard. Woohoo! The adventure could begin! I found an amazing camper that we loved dearly: Vinnie! Moving from a big house to a small camper was a challenging process (more on this another time!). I was very lucky to meet someone special to my heart at the same time as I moved into the van. I was lucky in more ways than one. You see, living in a tiny house on wheels in the UK is full of challenges (more on this in part 2). About a year ago, we sadly outgrew Vinnie the camper as the kids had grown and my partner had made his way into my home (little secret: I still get to follow my old camper’s adventures as its new owner has an Instagram page!) This was not the end of the adventure as we moved into a bigger house on wheels: Wizzy! Moving from one house on wheels to another was another challenge, as it also meant changing vehicle. The logistics of making Vinnie look like a show home whilst still living in it were not fun! Wizzy is a motorhome and not a campervan. What’s the difference? Its walls are made of fibreglass and not metal (more delicate) and it looks a lot more like a brick with wheels. It is wider, squarer and longer. It took me a while to feel confident driving this beast, especially around Devon where I spend a large chunk of my time.
It's ok. Everything is OK. I spent today in great It's ok. Everything is OK. I spent today in great company when I attended @caitrionamartinsupport 's REAL circle 🥰 Her circles are just amazing: a space to explore what is in your heart and on your mind, a space where you feel held and heard, a space where you realise how everything is normal and ok, a space where you can benefit from each other's wisdom, a space to remember all the things to be grateful for... We talked about guilt, about judgement, about capitalism and patriarchy, about self-love and discoveries, about swearing (more on that another day!) about being ok..... I LOVE THOSE CIRCLES! Fine day indeed. I even made a new friend and we already tied the knot 🥰 [Image description: joyful photo of Caitriona and Lorette smiling because they're happy and because they blinded themselves by taking their glasses off to avoid reflections.]
I love @lunarbaboon comics ❤️ I have seen this I love @lunarbaboon comics ❤️ I have seen this one many times and it showcases so well why it matters to encourage the process over the results. This is also one of the strong drivers behind my choice to home educate my kids. Every so often, my daughter (who’s 8 ) asks me to grade her work. I always give her A+ without looking, and every time without fail she grumbles at me for it. And I keep repeating that she is capable of grading the mistakes if she wishes to do so. I refuse to put the emphasis on results. So I will keep on grading her A+ for living. I will encourage her trying, her stopping when it’s overwhelming, her excitement, her frustrations, her joy, her curiosity… Grading has been such a stop to my growth mindset as a child… Result-focused has stopped me from wanting to learn, being open to learn, being open to try… Art, music, sports, marketing…. All areas that I found difficult. So yes, it started badly…. But who knows how it will end 👍
I’ve just attended the “Unstick Yourself & Unl I’ve just attended the “Unstick Yourself & Unlock Your Potential” webinar with @jnelmetherell and it was super awesome. I often talk about needs and I loved getting her input on regulation through the lens of the nervous system. Don’t worry if you missed it, I believe she will have the replay available very soon! It is definitely worth spending an hour of your time listening to her. Spoiler: love and joy are super important 😉 J’Nel has lots to offer with her many hats, so give her a follow and check her services out, including her new program “Women who BeHave” ❤️
Boundaries is a word we hear more and more. I lik Boundaries is a word we hear more and more. I like to talk about boundaries when I talk about respect and self-respect. I like to talk about boundaries when I talk about sustainability. I like to talk about boundaries when I talk about love. You see, boundaries are needed to protect you. However much you might want to give, sometimes saying yes means saying no to yourself or to others. In contrast saying no might mean saying yes to yourself and to others. Boundaries are not hard fences though. I like to see them like the floating buoys that separate an area of the sea. They can be soft and move when needed. Sometimes you need very tight boundaries. Sometimes you can be looser with them. One of the issues, once you have established the need for boundaries, once you have defined those boundaries, is how to cope with the feelings you may have when these boundaries are tested and pushed. You can rehearse what you will say: “This is my boundary. If you do X, I will do Y” nevertheless…. sometimes, it is just really really difficult! It takes practice, and conviction So just like a mantra, I repeat: “Boundaries are an act of self-love” Eventually it might not feel so hard…. until next time 😉 [image description: Ask Lorette logo is a face saying in a bubble “We all need boundaries. It doesn’t mean it’s easy.” on a decorative galaxy background]
There are joyful days. There are difficult days. T There are joyful days. There are difficult days. There are fleeting moments and lasting impressions. Today, I'm doing something I don't want to do but I feel I must do.... And it sucks.... Sometimes making decisions really, really, sucks! As I look around for an adulter adult, I know I have to be the one. I often talk about the decision making process: consider your options, think outside the box, be creative, compare pros and cons, use your instinct as well as your heart and your head... And then, cross them out from your least favourable one. You'll be left with the one. Not the best one. The least bad one. As I'm gathering my courage, I'm also feeling the depth of the sad. The grief of what was The scary of what is The possible exciting of what will be.... PS: love and virtual hugs more than welcome
Tomlin Wilding 🥰 What a person! I have so much Tomlin Wilding 🥰 What a person! I have so much love for them and their work. If you haven't yet read their self-published book, get it now! It is such a powerful yet easy read. Don't be scared by the title, it is not gender-based but mostly how to be a human and how to raise humans in a society that benefits from us being dehumanised. It explores some fundamental definitions and principles. It is awesome! What book(s) would you recommend? [Image description: photo of @tomlinwilding 's book "raising men who respect women" next to a tinkerbell mug full of coffee]
I always go back to this! Feelings are ALWAYS, ALW I always go back to this! Feelings are ALWAYS, ALWAYS, OK! What we do with our feelings may or may not be OK. Behaviours can be damaging, unsafe, hurtful, unhelpful, unlawful, immoral, unethical, etc…. but the feeling behind will always be OK… Sometimes our feelings seem at odds with our reason, but feelings are here for a good reason (see the double-meaning 😉) They help us stay connected with whatever is happening around us. When we hide or ignore the feelings, they come back, sometimes when you expect it the least… So tell me, do you sit with your feelings or do you try to bury them? [image description: Ask Lorette logo is a face saying in a bubble “It is always OK to feel whatever it is that you feel”, on a decorative galaxy background] #asklorette #feelingsareok #Lorettewords
Hi! I’m Lorette from Ask Lorette! I’m a human Hi! I’m Lorette from Ask Lorette! I’m a human living in the UK, born in France, floating around in my motorhome with my two kids and my partner. I like coffee, connection, the sun on my face, the rain on my roof, laughing, feeling the feelings, analysing everything, organising, asking questions, flying saucers (the sour kind), being alive, hugs and kisses, Excel spreadsheets and so so much more…. I really like babies and parents, so much so, that I run a baby-carrying school called @Slingababy I dislike high pitch noises, spilt milk, cheese and coriander, dishonesty, strong smells, flashing lights… I really dislike injustice, capitalism and the patriarchy. I’ve shared the road on this thing called life with many people along the way. Some kept telling me they liked what I had to say. Some said I changed the way they looked at the world, so here I am… Me. Talking about stuff. Answering questions you may have about your stuff. Let’s see where we take this Xx
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